Overall
Wow! What a weekend. Now into week 7 of quarantine due to the covid-19 pandemic, I’m in complete gratitude that the Olympic Trials race was able to safely be held before the virus reached its tentacles deep into the trenches of American soil, uprooting life across the world. The Trials event itself seems like something of the distant past, even though I write this now just two months later. I’m sure that Atlanta Track Club (ATC) is also counting its blessings that the race was able to go on, especially after all the time, effort and money that went into putting on such a world-class event.
ATC - and my very close friend Jay Holder (who happens to be the Director of Marketing at ATC) - put on a spectacular event that will be difficult to match. They went above and beyond to make every single one of the competitors - that includes runners like myself who have basically a point zero one percent chance of making the Olympic team - feel special. Every single detail was considered so that every athlete felt like it was the biggest race of a lifetime. In fact, Atlanta made the whole weekend seem like what the Olympics must feel like for actual Olympians. In the months leading up to the race, they assigned each athlete a representative from the ATC that was responsible for sharing information and for answering any questions you might have. That way, by the time we arrived in Atlanta, we’d already received the pertinent information to make the weekend as seamless as possible.
Once the athletes arrived, ATC provided all our meals, hotel rooms, flights and gave us a sweet poster that hopefully we’ll all frame once we can safely go into a Michael’s store. They stocked up the athlete hospitality room with typical snacks, but went a step above by adding refrigerators stocked full of hummus, carrots, yogurt and Powerade. They recruited so many volunteer massage therapists and chiropractors from all over the USA that I got some pre-race adjustments not once - but twice - and without having to wait in line! Somehow the Atlanta Track Club successfully and flawlessly orchestrated the biggest elite fluids station ever for 700+ athletes. And, most of all, they staffed the event with thousands of volunteers who eagerly offered help and enthusiastically said “good luck” with a wide smile during every single interaction. In fact, after chatting with the volunteers, their encouragement always left me feeling like I might actually *make* the Olympic Team.
Pre Race
Amy and I all smiles after our massages on Thursday.
Most of the time spent leading up to the race was spent doing all of the administrative and mandatory tasks necessary to compete in a national championship race. Before we could even pick up our bib number, every athlete had to get three stamps on a sheet of paper, verifying that we’d passed uniform check, shoe check and elite fluids check. Thursday was spent hopping around from place to place so that Friday could be a chill and relaxed day. As such, Thursday was absolutely jam packed and best summarized as a treasure hunt for Trials swag: free Nike shoes, free Maurten, free Brooks gear, free food, free massages.
Nike offered free AlphaFly shoes to every single Trials competitor, so Amy and I wandered over to a special room, tried on a pair and walked out with the most expensive pair of running shoes I’ll ever own. After driving a course tour with Dena and the rest of the PDC gang, we ran a shakeout of 4 miles. We noticed that there wasn’t a line for a massage, so Amy and I both got 45-minute massages, followed by an adjustment by a chiropractor from Ohio. After that, we grabbed a Publix sandwich from athlete hospitality, checked our uniform and shoes, before heading across the street to pick up free Maurten fuel and water bottles, specifically designed for the Trials. Our last stop was to the Brooks Hype House, where Amy and I checked out photos on a wall dedicated to the Brooks athletes.
The Peninsula Distance Club girls at the Coca-Cola dinner on Thursday: Mara, Caitlin, Steph, Jeannette, and Amy
After that, all of the athletes were bused over to the Coca Cola Headquarters for a dinner with various food stations with plenty of options for carbo loading. Here I was able to catch up with all of the familiar faces I’ve seen on the racing circuit over the last decade: Laurie, Jeannette, Rachel, Lauren, Sarah, Allison.
On Friday, after dropping off my fluids and securing enough stamps to retrieve my golden ticket, aka bib, I did a shakeout with Mara and Billy on the last 2.2M of the course. I got another quick massage before texting Merry, who had traveled from New York to cheer, to hang out in my hotel room! I grabbed another free lunch with some other Bay area athletes in the hotel ballroom and then went back to meet my family, who had finally arrived. All of us, plus Merry, squeezed into the room and caught up on all that had unfolded so far. The rest of the night was spent at the technical meeting, a dinner out with family, and then bed.
Race morning
Goal:
Compete well and have fun
Top 100
If i had to put a time goal on it, probably sub-2:45
I woke up on race morning around 730AM feeling well rested. By some small miracle, I was able to calm the mind to effortlessly fall asleep and get 10+ hours of sleep. However, in the morning, the pre-race jitters hit me hard. I had high hopes for this race. Mentally I was ready, but, that morning, doubts crept in about my body’s ability to physically handle the stress of the course and the hills. I even gave myself an out by telling myself to expect to see a slower time. To calm myself, I wrote on an Omni hotel note card my three main goals and outlined several reasons why I was ready. I wrote that the course was made for a strength-runner like me. I had trained on the hilliest of routes in California to prepare me for this day. I reminded myself that, just like I proved at Boston, I’m strong and tough on hills. I wrote down my goals - to go out conservative on the first lap - around 620s - and then to gradually pick people off in each corresponding lap, to smile and to finish strong. With that, I set the pen down and began the pre-race preparations.
Soon, Meagan and Michelle came to the room to get ready with me which really made me feel grounded. In 2016, Meagan and I danced to Kygo as we both got ready for the Trials race. This year, it was as though we’d just had a sleepover. We listened to music while Meagan did a face mask and then pinned the race bib on my top. But, the main task at hand -- to run a marathon race -- still needed to be done, so eventually we headed down the elevators together before I had to part ways so I could join the PDC team. We all hugged, I gave Peter a kiss and I joined Dena, Mara, Amy, Jeannette, Steph and Matt to walk over to the start line entrance together.
The race tent
While the tent was mostly empty when we arrived, after 10 minutes it had transformed into a frenzy -- with nervous excitement buzzing throughout. Feeling anxious with so many people, I scoped out a spot near Des Linden outside of the tent for our team to migrate to. The five PDC girls hung out there, some of us in the sun and some in the shade, sitting or stretching on cardboard boxes I’d acquired. The rest was a blur - warmup, another bathroom break, lace up the racing flats - until finally we were escorted to the start line area.
Running alongside Laurie and Allison
Lap 1 (Miles 0-8)
The horn blared and finally we were off. The most similar race I can compare the Trials start is to the Chicago Marathon. But, remember that Chicago still doesn’t have 400+ runners who have PRs that are 5 minutes apart. For that reason, the start was the most chaotic of any race I've ever run. I couldn't control what pace I was running; speeding up wasn't an option and slowing down would result in getting trampled -- literally (spoiler: former PDC athlete Kaitlin Goodman fell in front of me).
The leaders dictated the pace, while the rest of us followed in a blind mess. A little after the half mile, I watched as the sea of runners parted, because Kaitlin went down. She got trampled by at least 4 women and then got kicked in the face. I ran by her as she reached for her sunglasses and then scrambled back up to her feet. After that, my mantra for the next few miles was to just "stay on your feet." I kept repeating this over and over and keeping my eyes up. This was really difficult because the crowds were insane and incredible, but then I'd hear my name through the rows of people and I so badly wanted to acknowledge that support with a smile or a head nod, but didn't want to divert my eyes away from the course.
In the first half mile, I watched as my PDC teammates Amy and Mara maneuvered their way ahead of me, on the left side of the course. With them out of the picture, I was super grateful to find myself alongside Laurie and Paula, friends from Charlotte Running Club. We hit the first mile in 615 and Laurie said the pace was perfect. Laurie said a few more things, but to be honest, her voice was deafened by the crowds on both sides of the street, so I didn’t respond.
all smiles on lap 1 and 2
After we came through the 2nd mile in 552, I knew that was too fast for me so I sadly let Laurie and Paula continue ahead. I didn't want to see any splits faster than 600 this early in the race, given Letsrun.com’s analysis of the course and my goal time.
After 2 miles, the leaders picked up the pace and the result was that the racers thinned out. I could see my PDC teammates Amy and Mara ahead of me, but I didn't want to push to catch up to them because of pacing. Instead, I focused on soaking up the deafening roars of support from the crowd, while also trying to make small decisions about tucking in to protect myself from the wind. At the 3.5M turnaround, we began the uphill ascent back towards downtown Atlanta. My assessment of the course in the first lap was that the hills were definitely substantial, and the wind was horrific.
In those first 8 miles, I felt like a nomad. Women I knew would come up alongside me, and then move on to another pack, and then I'd have to choose to either speed up to tuck in behind another pack, or slow down to be with another. I'd watch as Laurie and Paula, or Allison Macsas would catch up and then move up to another pack. Or, one person would be with me and then I’d move on to another pack. This happened through mile 6, when eventually I caught up to my teammate Amy and Ladia - who I ran with at Boston. We headed back to the start area and would work together through the next lap. I told myself that I was a little ahead of pace, but that I was fit, and not to worry. My average pace at this point was 6:09, although I didn’t know it at the time.
The first lap was so exciting; I smiled most of the time. It was really exhilirating to see the lead pack of men and women pass by after the turnarounds and to cheer for my friends who were ahead of me. I could see Mara, Laurie, Paula, Victoria, Caitlin P, Sarah, and so many others. Beyond just seeing the fellow racers, I tried so hard to hear my name and to make eye contact with whoever was cheering my name. This proved to be a futile effort. I never saw my parents or Peter, even though I knew they were out there. But, then there were other people who I saw several times: Megan and Ben Hovis, Billy Shue, David Duggan from Wake Forest, my high school coach Gary, Marvin, MeagaBen and Michelle, Merry and Liz. It was insane to hear my name so many times, especially when competing with the cheers from hundreds of thousands of other fans.
Lap 2 (Miles 9-16)
Amy and I running into the wind on lap 2
At halfway, our little pack came through at 1:20:45 and I was a little bit worried. While this was the same time that I came through at Boston last year, I knew now just how different this course was, and my legs didn't feel quite the same as they did then. I could already feel the fatigue in my legs, and the wind proved to be an extra battle. I also hadn't adhered to my race plan; I would have much rather come through the half in 1:22.
It was at the end of the second lap that I made my first big mistake that would probably impact the rest of my race. I had stopped looking at my mile splits after mile 2, and in hindsight, I wish that I had kept a better track of my splits because I would have competed harder. I raced a little scared and without as much competitive drive as I have in the past. I was so worried about getting to the finish line in one piece, and also not walking in the process. In fairness, both of those goals were grounded in my disappointing 2012 Trials, where I had to walk, and 2016 where I knew I couldn't finish because of my achilles injury. So, when Amy continued running the same effort at mile 14, I didn't respond because I wanted to be "cautious."
Amy started to pull away and I didn't even try to go with her. I thought to myself: It is too early to make a move. But in reality, Amy was still just running the same effort we had been and I wasn't competitive enough to even care to try to stay with my teammate. I wish I had. Instead, I stayed tucked in behind Ladia and our group. Since I wasn't checking my splits, I didn't know that I'd slowed so much on mile 16 it would end up being my slowest split of the race. Women passed me in troves on these uphill miles. I trained for these hills! Why do I feel so weak! A pack 5 women caught up to me for about 100 meters, looked at their watch and said “we slowed to blah blah pace". I couldn’t hear the pace they said, and I just assumed they were feeling great. Here, I even had a second chance at redemption, to glue myself to this ferocious pack, but I didn’t. The average pace for this lap was 617, a full 8 seconds slower per mile average than the first lap.
Ladia and I around Mile 17
Lap 3 (Miles 17 - 26.2)
Ladia and I stayed together through 17+, but at one point she sighed. I said, keep your head up Ladia and then suddenly she wasn’t on my shoulder anymore. That late in the race, there weren't any more packs to chase within distance and it was more of a game of catching women who had begun to string out in pairs. I still smiled and gave a thumbs up to my friends who were cheering all around the course and I was still having a decent bit of fun, to be honest. I just wasn't having fun from a "I'm running great and so elated" sort of way. Upon reflection now, I almost wonder if I was running the trials race “for fun” at that point.
My legs, and particularly my feet, started to feel exceptionally rough around mile 23. My goal of posting a negative split was thrown out the window long ago, and the new goal was to finish in one piece. However, I did find myself behind a woman who had shit her pants, and with each gust of wind, I would catch an unpleasant whiff. In an effort to escape that as quickly as possible, those miles were probably the fastest I posted in the final 10k. At this point, if I was catching anyone, it wasn’t because I was getting faster, it was because I was just slowing less than them. The carnage of the course was real in those final 3 miles. I passed women who would later finish more than 2 minutes behind me.
with 400 meters to go, I could still smile!
As I approached the u-turn under the Olympic rings, I saw that Mara, Laurie, Veronica and Amy were all having incredible races, so I cheered for them. I had no idea that they were battling the 25mph+ headwinds at that point. So, when I made the turn, the wind slapped at my face and whipped my bib around. The wind almost drained every ounce of positivity in my mind, so instead I focused on a woman ahead of me who looked stronger than me. Stay on her. She’s got the torch to lead you to the finish line!
Those last 2 miles were windy, hilly and unrelenting. Finally a sign that said 800 meters came into focus and I knew that I could finish this damn thing. I barely picked up the pace, passed a few more women and finally made it to Centennial Olympic Park. Crossing that finish line certainly wasn't as glorious as I’d envisioned; I finished in 128th place in 2:45:18, about 50 places and at least four minutes slower than my goal. I didn’t even place better than my seed (124), which was a huge disappointment.
Post Race
I found my family immediately, and was torn between smiling ear to ear or expressing my frustration. I opted for somewhere in the middle. I also internally debated between hanging with my family, which required the very difficult effort of standing, or walking back to the tent to get some clothes and to sit on a chair. After a few more minutes, the chills were getting to me and my mom urged me to move on to the tent. As I walked the 200 meters there, everything began to sink in. Gratitude for unbeatable crowd support, the slew of friends and family here to support me and for finishing the damn race. Admittedly though, my pride hurt because none of the women that I normally race or train with were to be found as I slowly stumbled to the tent. After all, most of them had finished minutes and 50+ spots ahead of me.
Back at the hotel room, I hung with the family and took a long soak in the bathtub before meeting a group of 20+ friends and family members at a restaurant. Because so many friends from California, Charlotte, Durham, Michigan and Illinois had made a trip to Atlanta, I wanted to have time with them to express my gratitude.
the whole crew post Trials
At the crack of dawn the next morning, my family and I flew straight to Belize for a much needed break. Little did we know that it’d be the last time we’d be together for quite some time because of the pandemic. Belize was absolutely wonderful, filled with snorkeling trips, incredible meals cooked by either a chef or our family and daily stand up paddle boarding. But it was here where I finally had a chance to reflect on my race, and the real disappointment hit me. I regretted not checking my splits. I regretted not staying with Amy longer. I regretted giving myself an out before the race even started, by telling myself I might even run my slowest marathon ever (I did). I regretted letting the course intimidate me and pound me into submission, without ever fighting back.
But, having a pina colada while overlooking the Pacific Ocean also helped me see the positives. Even though the wheels came off the bus in the third lap, I was smiling the whole time and waving at my friends who were cheering. I legitimately did have fun, mostly because of the 200,000 fans that lined the streets of Atlanta for us. I enjoyed seeing my friends at the turnarounds, which offered me a glimpse of their incredible races. It made me feel like both a competitor and a spectator! I loved hearing about their experiences afterwards. While my race wasn’t what I wanted, so many others executed their race plans flawlessly, and what a better place to have that experience than at the Olympic Trials? For them, I am so happy.
Overall, I feel so honored to compete at the 2020 Marathon Trials, with the deepest field in Trials history. I am proud to race with other women who have chosen to pursue running and a healthy lifestyle, even with competing priorities such as a career or raising a family. It will be a long wait until we can do this again. Until then, I’ll set my sights on qualifying for the marathon trials for the fourth time.