Week in Review

This week’s stats:

  • 78 Miles
  • 90min MLR
  • 14.5M with 3 x 2.5M with 1st and 3rd intervals alternating 248/308 every 1/2 mile and 2nd interval at 556
  • 21M with 12M at 611 average: 617/611/617/610/613/611/610/609/611/607/605/558
  • 1 day off
  • 2 rock climbing sessions

With just under 4 weeks to go until the Chicago Marathon, things are really coming together.  I’m really grateful for Jay’s increased fitness and his fantastic pacing on my workouts.  With his goal race as the NYC Marathon, our workouts line up nicely for him to hopefully to achieve a new PR in November. 

With my trusty companion on Wednesday, Jay and I set off to run 3 x 2.5M together, with our paces alternating at each half mile mark.  With our Garmins set to auto-lap every half mile, I basically just let the Garmin tell me what to do and ran alongside Jay for extra motivation.  The fluctuation in pace made the workout seem a little bit more exciting than just running a continuous pace. I was really pleased with this workout and at how comfortable the paces felt.

Jay was having a lot more fun than me here....

Jay was having a lot more fun than me here....

On Saturday, Jay and I continued our normal pattern with a hard long run together.  With a 6 mile warmup starting at 600AM, I ran 3 miles solo on the Baylands Slough path in the dark before grabbing Jay.  I did not wear a headlamp, but the city lights, combined with the moon, lit the path up enough for me to not only see where I was going, but also to see all the jack rabbits scattering off, startled by my footsteps.   During this peaceful time, I was able to ready my mind about this workout, the second marathon pace above 10 miles in distance.

During the first four miles of the uptempo, settling into a consistent pace felt difficult to me.  Jay seemed much more relaxed than I was, and I felt like my pace was fluctuating, instead of just staying steady and even.  I really wanted to run 615-618 in the first 3 miles so that I could ensure I could finish 12 miles at pace.  After 4 miles, I finally found a rhythm that felt comfortable and familiar.  By settling into a pace within 2-3 seconds of 610, I finally was able to relax.  I was really grateful for Jay’s company and pace setting because while I didn't feel bad, I also did not feel like it was a walk in the park. I needed his presence to pull me along and to keep me mentally focused.  Even if 608 pace wasn't as easy as I would have hoped, I still pushed hard and was able to complete 12 miles at my target marathon pace.  There also weren’t any issues with taking honey stinger chews at miles 4, 11 and 16.  I did stop a couple of times for a few very quick sips of water.  It was a bit muggy out there!

Week in Review

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This Week's Stats

  • 74 Miles
  • 14M with 3M-2M-1M via 602/602/600 (3:29), 546/546 (3:31), 536
  • 12.6M MLR
  • 18M LR with 16M at 645-620 pace
  • 0 days off
  • 1 rock climbing session
  • 2 days camping at Bullard's Bar Reservoir

 

This week was nuts.  Not from a running or work perspective, but from a weather perspective.  I felt like I was tossed into Arizona for a couple of days there!  During the first half of the week my morning runs fooled me into thinking fall was here!  Crisp, cool temps in the mid-50s in the morning quickly dissipated into smothering temps in the 90s.   By the time Friday rolled around, it was 107 degrees in Mountain View.  The heat wave continued through the weekend, but we still survived the long run.

The good news was that the crisp and cool weather stuck around for Wednesday morning, when I did a workout.    Because Jonah and Tania were taking down weeks, and because Jay’s shin was sore, I had to tackle the 3-mile, 2-mile, 1-mile cut-down alone.  Howard and I warmed up together before going on our own for our respective workouts.  I felt really fantastic during this session.  It really helped that the weather was spectacular and that my legs weren’t too tired from lifting the day before.  I’m feeling really confident that I can achieve my goals going into Chicago.

The next hard effort was on Saturday, with a huge group of people from both my crew and the West Valley Track Club.  Nicole, Emilee, Ibet and Sean joined forces with me, Howard, Max and Max’s friend.  It was incredible that I was able to convince all these people to show up at my house for some very early morning miles.  Undoubtedly, since it was so hot on Saturday, no one seemed to mind that we met at 615am, when the sun was barely starting to break over the horizon.  I continue to be amazed at how people are willing to flock to my house for runs.  I guess the goal of qualifying for the Boston Marathon or running a new PR are pretty good incentives to drive to a meeting spot to run with people who can push you. 

My plan was to run 18 miles, which was a nice break from running 20+ miles.  Since the WVTC folks all have a goal of running around 645 pace at CIM in December, my steady state pace closely matched their own goal.  Of course, I ended up running faster than 645 pace and got lucky enough to meet Sean, who pushed me the entire time.  He dabbles in triathlons and ultras, so I was extremely impressed with his ability to not only keep up, but also to be able to talk without a problem! 

After the run, everyone hung out in my yard while I wished that I could have been making them pancakes instead of frantically packing for the camping trip. I hope that in the future I can continue building on this pattern of inclusivity and attract more runners to join our group.  I truly believe that the camaraderie and friendships we make during these runs are one of the main reasons why many of us have achieved new PRs over the last 12 months.  I'm really proud of how this group of runners has grown, and I know that the growth is because of the humility and openness we all share.  It should not be surprising that some days a 2:58 or 3:05 marathoner can push a 2:38 marathoner.  

Overall, this was a great week. It's hard to believe that I'm really just five weeks into marathon training and only have three more until taper begins.  I'm starting to think that a very much shortened marathon cycle is the way to go!  But, I won't fully believe it until I qualify for the Trials at Chicago. :)

(Eclipse) Week in Review

My mom showing off her name rabbit shorts!

My mom showing off her name rabbit shorts!

This Week's Stats

  • 80 Miles
  • 12M MLR
  • 15.5M with 3 x (4min-3min-2min-1min) with 90s jog rest (614 pace for 8.34M)
  • 12.4M MLR
  • 22M long run with 10M at 605 average
  • 0 days off
  • 1 Total Eclipse
  • 1 rock climbing session
  • 5 days in Southern Illinois

 

I was feeling so confident about last’s week high mileage that I just had to shoot for more this week.  And I came away so proud of myself.  Let’s set the stage.  I was in Carbondale, where there’s no one left to run with. You should all know by now that I’m a total wimp when it comes to running alone.  Also, the weather isn’t particularly the best for training for a marathon – with temps soaring above 100 and the humidity at 90%.  Honestly, I’m shaking my head in disbelief at my own mental tenacity. 

  • Reason #1:  I did almost 40 miles in 3 days, all by my lonesome. 
  • Reason #2:  As part of #1, I did a workout all by myself on the country roads in my hometown.  And, I didn’t run slow; I actually hit the paces!
  • Reason #3:  All my family members were sleeping in while I had to wake up early to get the run in before I had meetings.

Yet, after laying all these reasons out, I realize now that I found the real answer as to why I was able to run so strong: because I saw my first total solar eclipse!  The whole point of this trip to Illinois was to enjoy a view of the total solar eclipse from the comfort of my childhood home.  Nature, of course, did not disappoint…and, for that matter, neither did my mom’s cooking!  As the moon’s shadow began to cast its darkness over the sun, I wandered back and forth from our kitchen to our field.  This ensured that I could both eat and watch the partial eclipse move towards totality. 

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In the moment that the sun was completely blocked by the sun, everyone shouted to “remove your glasses.”  I gazed up towards the sun, and then twirled slowly around, marveling in the 360 views of a sunset.  For 2 minutes and 42 seconds, I listened as my family members and friends all gasped, cried out repeatedly “oh my god” and snapped photos of the phenomenon.  Probably the best part for me was absorbing the look of pure joy on my brother’s face:

We all left exulted, in awe of what we had just experienced, each wishing it could have lasted at least ten more minutes. 

Hopefully now you can understand how this eclipse inspired me to have such a great week of running, despite all of the factors going against me.  It was just aligned in the universe.  

Week in Review

This Week's Stats

  • 75 Miles
  • 14M with 9M tempo at 6:05 average via 557/611/611/557/610/608/554/609/605
  • 12M MLR
  • 21M long run with no water or gels
  • 0 days off
  • 2 rock climbing sessions
  • 1 lift day

Hey-o!  I just hit my highest mileage week for the 2017 year!  Didn't realize that I had kept my mileage at a relatively steady 60-65 miles per week over the first half of this year.  This definitely helped this higher mileage week feel even more respectable.  

Jumping right into marathon training means that the midweek workouts are always 14-16 miles with a large portion at goal marathon pace.  This week's workout called for 14 miles with 9 miles at 600-615-615 every 3 miles.  Despite getting a crappy night of sleep and sleeping through my alarm for five minutes, this workout went quite nicely.   I barely had enough time to get out the door on time to meet the large crew of Tom, Abhijeet, and Howard for the warmup,  and Jonah and Jay for the workout. Jonah ran with us for the first 3 miles, while Jay kept me company for the entirety. 

Lifting weights in an effort to stay healthy, fit and happy!

Lifting weights in an effort to stay healthy, fit and happy!

During the workout, it was surprisingly windy on the way out, which made the pace feel a bit tougher to hit than I would have expected.  But, that also meant that we had a light tailwind on the way back.  On the final 3 miles, we ran up behind Vitor.   It was easy to "convince" him to join us on our faster miles, even though he had just done some long race up a mountain.  After a little nudge, he was running alongside us, along for the fun. I was grateful for the unexpected company because Jay started falling off a tiny bit in the final 800 meters -- because he just got off a flight from Taiwan the night before.  In terms of effort level, the tempo felt pretty hard towards the end, but I also felt really strong in the sense that I could have gone for another 2 miles. But, I paid a price for a successful first marathon workout afterwards, because my stomach was a wreck all day.  

The rest of a week was pretty uneventful because I was getting ready to fly to Carbondale on Saturday in advance of the eclipse.  I convinced my crazy clan of dudes to keep me company on a no fuel long run.  The plan was for me to wake up, not eat anything, drink a tiny bit of water and start my run.  I added on 6 miles before grabbing Tom, Howard and Jonah for the remaining 15 miles.  The best part was that I did not drink any water during the long run, nor did I stop at all.  I also would like to note that doing these types of no fuel long runs would be impossible in NC or Southern Illinois during these humid summer days.  I feel really fortunate to be able to get these runs done in temperate California!

Week in Review

This Week's Stats

  • 70 Miles
  • 14M with 2M in 608/612 (63), 2M in 557/600 (3:00), 4M in 606/605/605/610 
  • 19.1M long run at 6:48 average with 4 x (20 min easy / 10 min at sub-620)
  • 10M MLR
  • 0 days off
  • 2 rock climbing sessions
  • 2 lift days

For the first time in 6 weeks, I am finally feeling optimistic for toeing the line at Chicago!  Hitting 70 miles this week is a big deal, considering that I took 14 days off in July!  The best part about it all is that I don't even feel like I lost that much fitness -- if any.  

I completed my first true marathon workout on Wednesday.  I love how Coach T-Bone gives all sorts of options for workouts, especially when I'm not sure of my fitness yet.  For this one, I had the option of either doing 4 x 2 mile repeats OR by turning it into 2 x 4 mile repeats.  In an effort to maximize the company on my run, I decided on a hybrid approach - 2 x 2 miles, + 4 miles at marathon pace.  The main focus for this training cycle is to make 615 pace feel as comfortable as possible and this was the first workout to test that comfort level.  Despite being completely solo on the final 4 miles, I felt really comfortable hitting paces just below 6:10, which is ahead of my goal for Chicago.

Unlike last year at Chicago Marathon, where my goal was to PR, the goal for this year's marathon is to qualify for the Trials -- to run sub-2:45, roughly 6:15 pace.  Although all my other marathon times have been 2:41 (Twin Cities 2010), 2:44 (2012 Trials), 2:40 (CIM 2013), and 2:38 (Chicago 2016), I know that in order to achieve this goal, I must respect the distance of this race.  The marathon is never easy.  Even if my goal pace is slightly slower than what I'm capable of, I'm constantly reminding myself of the difficulty of still achieving that goal and time.  

Ran along the Truckee River on Saturday!

In an effort to still achieve a balance between fun and marathon training, I accepted a last minute invitation to go to Lake Tahoe over the weekned with some Strava Track Club girls - Victoria, Natalie and Alli.   What this meant was that I needed to knock out my long run on Friday morning.  Fortunately for me, the stars aligned to make this happen.  First, Tania was also going to Tahoe, so she wanted to run long Friday as well.  Additionally, my heel wasn't hurting and felt recovered enough to have a quick turnaround from the workout to the long run. 

 The long run on Friday was a huge success.  Dena wrote out a cool workout for Tania that I really liked - run every 30 minutes as follows for 2 hours:  easy 20 minutes and sub-620 for 10 minutes.  The faster portions made the easy sections feel like a total breeze.  Even though it was pretty humid for California, Tania, JOB and I traversed the trails around Baylands, eating some bugs along the way.

Overall, I'm really pumped about this week.  I really feel confident going into Chicago.  This was the first week where I realized that I am capable of achieving my goals at the marathon in just 8 weeks.  

Week in Review

This Week's Stats

  • 61 Miles
  • 10M with 5M tempo via 620/605/601/558/558
  • 16.4M long run @ 7:00 pace average
  • 0 days off
  • 3 rock climbing sessions
  • 2 lift days

After heading into the week with a fair sense of apprehension, I'm pumped about how it turned out. My heel didn't freak out after a tempo, or after a long run just two days later!  

I spent the first part of the week gradually building up my daily mileage to 10 miles.  After that went well, I figured this would be a good time to get in some workouts with the Strava Track Club.  After a couple of texts back and forth with Tania, we decided to run a 5 mile tempo together.  I like running with Tania because she is exceptionally positive, talented and dedicated.  I'm really rooting for her to qualify for the marathon trials at CIM this year!

On Friday morning, a group of us gathered to run the tempo together at Baylands.  I brought Jonah along for the fun, and Tania brought along Christian - love when the running group gets bigger!  Dena came to provide pacing and coaching support to Tania (and for us as well - an added bonus!).  Tania's goal was to run 5 miles around 615 - 600, so we set off at a conversational pace that proved to be way too slow. After that, I moved to the front to push the pace.  I took on the role of pacer and felt responsible for the splits.  After all, I wanted to make sure Tania hit the times that Dena had outlined for her.  After mile 3, Jonah dropped off, and I stuck with Tania through mile 4 and then decided to push the pace a bit to continue to dip below 6:00.  Overall, everyone left the workout feeling pleased with the effort and happy with the company! 

On Sunday, the guys and I got in over 16 miles together, with the last 6 miles around 6:20-6:40 pace.  Afterwards, I decided impromptu to make everyone banana pancakes!  Max, Howard, Tom, Peter and I enjoyed some pancakes and fruit salad before heading over to the farmers together.  I wish that every Sunday long run could be this sweet!  Throughout the rest of the day, my heel was a little sore, but manageable.  Again, my heel feels best in running shoes, but the worst barefoot.  Crossing my fingers that the heel continues to stay strong throughout this next week!

Battling Plantar Fasciitis

Some people say that, as a runner, the best injury to get is a stress reaction or fracture to a metatarsal.  With those injuries, it’s basically guaranteed that after 4 weeks of rest, your bone will be healed and you can begin training again. 

I completely agree.

The only over-use injuries I’ve ever dealt with have always been connected to a tendon.  In 2005, I was out for 12 weeks due to hundreds of micro-tears in my left Achilles.  I didn’t know how long I would have to take off, and I basically just waited until the swelling went down to attempt my first run. 

After that, I enjoyed practically a decade of relatively injury-free running, barring a brief two-week run-in with IT Band Syndrome in 2011. 

2015 brought my injury-free good luck to a screeching halt.  In October 2015, my right Achilles put me out 7 weeks, causing me to plan a premeditated drop out of the 2016 Trials race. 

Now, in 2017, I’ve already dealt with a sore left Achilles that morphed into an annoying case of Plantar Fasciitis.

The reason why I hate tendon injuries is that there isn’t a guaranteed end date to the time off.  There’s never a moment that you can say “Well, in 6 weeks, I’ll definitely be able to run again.”  The rest period is a total crapshoot.  Who knows if the injury will last 4 weeks?  8 weeks?  12 weeks?  Who knows if taking time off will actually even help the tendon heal?  Fortunately, there are movement specialists popping up all over the country who have a better understanding of ways practitioners can look at the body holistically to determine areas that might be causing the initial issue in the first place.  For example, my 2015 Achilles issue was caused by my ridiculously tight lower back.  Who would have guessed?  Thanks to an SFMA and FMS screening, I had the knowledge necessary to perform the right exercises to help begin the road to recovery and greater strength. 

But, back to what I came here to originally write about:  I have plantar fasciitis.  Here’s the short of how it came about.  I had a great long run on June 30th, but during the run I could tell that my form was different.  My heel felt tight, and Max asked me if I was injured.  Crap, I thought to myself, my form must really be off if he’s noticing something.

Every day I'm rolling...

Every day I'm rolling...

I’m a big believer in taking time off, especially if it’s affecting your stride.  So I did. I took two weeks off.  In the meantime, I lifted.  I got massages.  I did drills.  I ran barefoot.  After the two weeks, guess what? My heel didn’t feel better;  my heel didn’t feel worse.  Perturbed by the lack of progress,  I decided to do a quick poll amongst my runner friends who have dealt with PF in the past. 

I called Katie, a former All-American from UVA, and explained that I have plantar fasciitis.  I could hear her physically cringe over the Verizon Wireless network:  “Sh!t.  That’s the worst. I dealt with that in college and it never really went away.”  Or, even better, the reaction from my friend Amanda, chiropractor in NC: “Caitlin, I REALLY hate to hear that you’re dealing with plantar fasciitis.  I literally did EVERYTHING…I slept with the night splint, did all the drills and took 6 weeks off, and nothing made it get better…I struggled with it for a year!”   

Needless to say, my initial pulse check of how bad is plantar fasciitis seemed to be a resounding – it’s pretty terrible and leaves you feeling completely powerless. 

Everyone I talked to also agreed on something else – that it’s worth it to try to run through.  I was a little weary of this at first, but after a couple of days of running without altered form, I believed them.    

To make up for taking off from running the first two weeks of July, I spent the last two weeks of July testing my plantar, willing it to let me train for Chicago Marathon. 

During the week of July 17th, I ran two days on, one day off, 4 days on, keeping the max run to 50 minutes.  I continued doing my drills, lifting and climbing.  Somehow, during this time, the foot started to feel better only while wearing my running shoes.  However, I could still feel the stabbing pain shoot through my heel while walking barefoot. 

Continuing into the week of July 24th, I ran 4 days in a row and took 2 days off so I could go camping at Lassen National Park.  By this time, I could walk around barefoot without substantial pain in my heel.  I knew then that things were beginning to turn the corner. yet, I was still skeptical of my body’s ability to handle the more sustained impact from 14 miles of a marathon workout.  Would my heel be able to handle the repetition of motion, or the increase in speed?  I realized that all I could do was try it out and hope for the best. 

We’ll see how it goes next week, when I begin my very much shortened Chicago Marathon training cycle.   

I’m confident my body will heal itself up….and if it doesn’t…#firstworldproblems.

The Big D

So I'm divorced. (Well, not legally. North Carolina requires a one year separation before you can officially be divorced.) It's a taboo topic, especially when you start dating before it's "official". Still, I am sharing my story to encourage people to find their voice and talk about divorce, breakups and heartbreak and therein find their power to move forward and love again. 

My saga began in August 2015, when a job promotion opened up that would allow me to implement my newly attained MBA skills within the Bank of America Digital team. The catch: It required me to move 3000 miles from Durham --- and from my husband who was only halfway through his Physical Therapy program. Since we had already weathered long separations in our marriage back when he was a baseball player, he encouraged me to take it on and agreed this new role would intellectually stimulate me. We both knew it did not, however, fit the formula for a "normal marriage". I shared my second thoughts before leaving: "I like living here in Durham with you and the routine we've created." We were confident we could stay strong, so I made my decision, took the promotion and moved to California. 

Just six months later, on March 21, 2016, I wrote this in my journal: 
The first day of spring is all about rebirth and hope. I'm pulling all strings right now to hold on to every piece of hope I've ever needed in my life. Tonight I was lying sprawled out on my bedroom floor - 3,000 miles away from my husband - staring blankly at the ceiling as tears slowly rolled down the side of my cheeks. I asked myself - is this what real, deep sadness feels like? I don't have the motivation to get out of bed, go running, eat any food or make friends. My comfortable world just unraveled so quickly (14 days to be exact) in front of me and now I'm trying to make sense of it all. I feel so helpless, but one thing I do know is that I am going to fight for my marriage. 

Another 14 days later, on April 5th, my marriage ended, despite trips back to Durham and a couple of counseling sessions.

Have you ever experienced that moment where all of the assumptions you had about your life's future just disappear like dust in the wind? There are so many events that could cause this to happen - realizing you're gay, losing a loved one or, in my instance, getting divorced. 

My picture perfect future was erased that day when my marriage ended. 

Of course, there were moments leading up to the ultimate decision where I realized that perhaps the future I had imagined actually wasn't that perfect. Maybe instead of bringing the best out in each other we brought out the worst. Maybe we didn't have as deep of a relationship that we both desired and needed. Was it just better for each of us to go our own separate ways and find another person who can make our souls sing? 

I needed time to come to terms with the "maybes." I needed time to understand that this was the right path for me. Most importantly, I needed time to absorb the reality of the situation, to mourn the loss of so many people who were family to me, and to begin on a path towards forgiveness and peace with myself and with my ex. 

That day it ended, I called my parents, bawling that it was really over. They dropped everything and drove through the night to whisk me and my cat back to the haven of my childhood home in Southern Illinois. We grieved together as they had loved him like a son but we worked rapidly to pack what we could into their car and the remaining items into good friends' garages. I left Durham without looking back. I stayed at home for a week, ate very little, didn't do any dishes and pretended that I didn't know my mom was going outside to cry where I couldn't see her. We went to two Dharma meditation classes together and that helped my mom as much as it did me. I helped my dad plant kale in the high tunnel, where he told me "Caitlin, just get your hands dirty. Putting your hands in the soil is therapeutic." As always, he was totally right. I burned old pictures of "us" with my brother. As the huge bonfire transformed smiling images of days gone by to ashes, we both screamed primal cries. Very cathartic, I might add.

Within a week, I was ready to go back to work, to feel productive and to put roots down in California, something I had hesitated to do before. I had this intense need to invest in friends already made in the previous months. And I wanted to get that started already! 

Upon landing in SFO, my Uber driver and I talked about his family and his dreams and then he looked at me through his rearview mirror and asked me why I looked so sad. I told him I was going through some heartbreak. He told me: "Caitlin, you are so beautiful. I can tell you have a good soul, you will have a very happy life with a very kind man!" It sounds so “don’t worry be happy” saying this, but in that moment, a switch flipped. He was right. I was going to be just freaking fine! I needed to believe it and I needed to be positive. 

In fact, his words jolted me just when I most needed to hear them. I knew how to come to terms with the "maybes:" Begin to accept them as truths. I was on a better path, even if I couldn't see it during the break up. I had a choice. I could choose to feel sorry for myself and constantly question every single action I took leading up to the separation, or I could accept it and begin forming a new life filled with people who support and love me. I chose the latter. A wise friend, Jillian, who also recently was separated, summed it up perfectly:  Love is certainly a confusing thing, especially when we confront head on the things that are missing in a relationship, even when it causes our paths to separate.


After I changed my frame of reference, I realized that it's okay to write a different script. 

Suddenly being so far away from Durham was the best thing that ever happened to me and allowed me to move forward, at lightning speed. After all, none of my Cali friends knew him or had been to my wedding. I had a perfectly clean, blank slate. I didn't have to answer awkward questions of "How's he doing?" because he wasn't ever a part of my life here. 

What also allowed me to move forward was the fact that I already had an established residence as well as a selfless support network who visited in April and May, some from across the country! My Charlotte friends called me constantly, providing legal, moral and emotional support. I started dancing, hiking, lifting, rock climbing --- I met so many amazing people in the process. And, of course, I ran. I didn't have a plan, I just ran with Jenna or Heather as much as I could and basically every run was a therapy session, even if we didn't talk about my separation directly. 

Just having someone I could rely on every single day was powerful. Running transformed my anger into acceptance, my confusion into clarity, my pain into power. 

On one particular run, it hit me: I am free. I am not only running free, but I am indeed free. Quite literally, free! With the wind whipping through my hair, the bugs drowning in my sweat, and the geese hissing at me, I had this revelation: I no longer am bound to anyone or anything in my life. I can do whatever I want. The future is entirely my own - I am no longer a shared entity with someone else. And that's a very beautiful thing to welcome. 

After that wonderful little run, I signed up for the Chicago Marathon. It was time for me to channel my newfound power into the challenging training regime that would prepare me to successfully cover 26.2 miles. In many ways, my life got back on track through my steadfast friend named running.  (note - I'll cover that race in another blog post). 


And then, just a couple months later, there was this journal entry:

 

June 16th, 2016: A Whole New World!
Let's change the mood of this book called life. As I flip the page from a chapter full of heartbreak, despair, judgment, pain and shame, I hold my chin up high with confidence in the full rebirth of Caitlin Rose Chrisman. This next chapter has already started full of hope, trust, warmth, laughter and acceptance! What am I really saying? I am actually beginning to live again! I've been resurrected. My past has shaped me, but it doesn't DEFINE me. Since it's top of mind now, I want to recap my past two dates because they were really fun! 


I didn't expect to be ready to date, but I was. I expected that some friends or family members would justifiably be skeptical of my judgment to jump into a relationship so soon. I sensed that they were coming from a place of wanting to protect me from potentially getting hurt again. Some even questioned me point blank, and I appreciated their concern. Yet I also knew that the only person who could gauge if I was ready to date was myself. There isn't a script for falling in love that we all can follow. And so with that, I encourage you to trust your instincts and to pursue relationships that make you feel alive. ...

Just because, four months later, I'm still dating that same person. When the time is right for you, may you also be open to the same happiness and pure joy an authentic caring relationship can bring.